I have developed hatred for a name. Of course, I really have developed hatred for a certain individual thus making his name utterly distasteful. It's a normal name, very wasp-y. I know at least ten people with the name. Sadly, as he is the biggest douche bag in all of douche town, my myriad pals with said name must forever be re-named. The bane of my existence whose name makes me throw up just a bit every time it is uttered truly holds the status as the epoch of boobery (king of all boobs). Due to my natural distaste for my own bile, I've decided to try out the following gems on my buddies with the evil name.
"So, you know how your parents named after your grandfather? Well, I think it only fitting to call you Grandpa from now on. I want to make sure I give your parents the respect they deserve by following their wishes to the letter. "
-or-
"What's going on with you, Mr. Man? You know you're a swell dude, dude. So swell, in fact, that I am going to call you Mr. Man from now on because a normal name is too pedestrian for you. Sound good?"
Perhaps another tack would prevail.
"Did you know you were named after a bathroom? Yeah. A shithouse, the crapper, the can. Wouldn't you prefer to go by your middle name to keep friends and loved ones from thinking of poo when thinking of you?"
-or-
"Did your parents miss out on the 60's? I bet they just picked your name to make sure everyone knew you where a white Protestant without meeting you. I think you should rebel against their conservative, insensitive ways. Choose a new name, my friend. Rail against the system! Lord Skyboner of the 21st Century has a nice ring to it, yes?"
I'll let you know how I do.
